Eva Watson

	I fantasize about your aromas, your presentation, and that special way you titillate my taste buds.  (dirty dog) I admire your nutrients, and value your satiating abilities. But you are elusive, you little stinker.  

	Are you on the schedule today? Oh! There you are. Hello, lunchy-lunch-lunch. In just an hour from now, you and I have a date with edible destiny. I believe the dental assistant and receptionist miss you greatly as well.  What is on the menu for today, you ask?  If clam chowder is a mere jamboree of flavor then let today’s feast be the extravagant cornucopia of celebratory succulence!  

	The microwave will be your gateway to warmth as my fork and knife become the transportation devices towards my appetizing giddiness. I shudder to think of the tasty ecstasy that… no.  No, it can’t be. Your presence on the computer screen- it’s gone!
	Vanished. Disappeared. Eradicated. We’ve been ripped apart from each other. You’ve been replaced by a patient… again.

	But, why?  Why must I be denied such a simple thing?  If I eat lunch, I’ll be energized.  If I’m energized, I’ll be efficient and produce more.  If I’m able to produce more, collections will be higher and the dental owners will be pleased. When the dental owners are pleased, pure bliss may ensue. When that happens… the production goals will be raised once more.  

	And when the production goals are raised once more, my questions will remain:

	How much wealth must be accumulated before it becomes greed?

	At what point does regard for staff well-being take precedence over profit?

	An idealist view?  Perhaps.  But one thing is for sure; I just want some lunch.

Articles

 I fantasize about your aromas, your presentation, and that special way you titillate my taste buds.  (dirty dog) I admire your nutrients, and value your satiating abilities. But you are elusive, you little stinker.  

Lunch


	Okay. I bookmarked those job sites, contacted the temp agencies and…Oh! I want to call that dentist about Fridays. He may need someone. Resumé updated. Well, kind of updated. Why is font selection such a battle with me? Just pick a nice font, woman. Times New Roman…boring. Arial…yuck. Tunga! Oh, yeah. Tunga, baby. In italics. Classic…wait…is that my phone? Please be a job.
	
	Day 1 Goal: Try to relax.I’m not alone.


	
	That was a great CE course. It was informative and a great review for me. However, I’m not looking forward to my aging process with the likelihood of xerostomia and osteoporosis with CVD thrown in for good measure. Woo-hoo. What course should I take next? I know. I’m going to design my own courses…Dental Hygienist Unemployment and Isolation: Signs and Symptoms of The Pending Crazies.
	
	Next will be The Dangers of YouTube: Parts 1 & 2 and finally, Just Give Me a #$%@! Job: Pleeeeease?
	
	Day 7 Goal: Make myself valuable. Soft tissue laser certification? Research!
	
	


	
	I’m going to rock this working interview today. I own it. I did my research on the practice, my references are solid and I feel relaxed and in control. I am so ready!
	
	“You smell like a cucumber.”
	
	Stop. What did husband just say? I’m dressed to the nines, my make-up is near perfection and I’m feeling uber confident. I finally land an interview and he tells me I smell like a salad?
	
	“Dude, I don’t need to hear that right now, okay? I need you to tell me I look fabulous, I’m the most competent hygienist out there and that I smell normal.” I felt tears welling up in my eyes.
	
	“Well, I’m just saying, dear.” He called me dear. I hate that. Now my floodgates have opened. “I’m sorry, honey. You’re a great hygienist. You’re going to blow them away. And you smell beautiful.” That hug felt good.
	
	“Thank you, my love. That’s what I needed to hear… and it’s my new conditioner, ya jerk.”
	
	[later that day…]
	
	Performing a prophy on the dentist was not what I had in mind when I think of a working interview but it went well. I felt a lot of open margins on several of her older resins. I’m glad I told her that. Did she think that was okay to say? Some dentists don’t like that. They don’t want pro-active. Perhaps they just want a ‘cleaning woman’ to come in each day and perform averagely. I think I did fine. It was okay. It was warm in her office. I sweat a little. I don’t like sweating. Did the doctor see my sweat? When I sweat I stink. I hope I didn’t stink. I don’t want to be a stinky hygienist. I don’t want patients to know I’m stinky. Maybe I didn’t stink. Perhaps everything was fine and the dentist only smelled my hair.
	
	Day 16 Goal: Next potential interview, get specific in talking about being pro-active. What am I proactive with? Why is this important for a practice?
	
	


	
	I should have a Craigslist mainline tapped directly into the back of my neck. All I would have to do is get jacked-up like Neo in ‘The Matrix’ and-bam! Instant neuro-cyber employment up-load! Awesome. I would contact dentists even before their job postings hit the web! Sweet…Okay, I need to get out of the house for awhile.
	
	Day 17 Goal: Register with dental software seminars. Get educated!

 Day 1 Okay. I bookmarked those job sites, contacted the temp agencies and…Oh! I want to call that dentist about Fridays. He may need someone. Resumé updated. Well, kind of updated. Why is font selection such a battle with me? Just pick a nice font, woman. Times New Roman…boring. Arial…yuck. Tunga! Oh, yeah. Tunga, baby. In italics. Classic…wait…is that my phone? Please be a job.  Day 1 Goal: Try to relax.I’m not alone.

Diary of an unemployed hygienist

	You’re going about your day. You’re rockin’ your hygiene thing, yucking it up with your dental cronies in the lab, or perhaps you’re in the operatory for the periodic exam with the dentist, then all of a sudden- WHAMMO! 

	You’re going about your day.  You’re rockin’ your hygiene thing, yucking it up with your dental cronies in the lab, or perhaps you’re in the operatory for the periodic exam with the dentist, then all of a sudden- WHAMMO!  Out of nowhere, a brick wall made up of complete and utter “huh?” headbutts you and leaves you thinking… what the hell? What just happened?

	We’ve all had them. I’ve had quite a few myself. In fact, I’ve had some superfreaky instances that left me thinking to this day, “It’s not me. That was ridiculous!”

	The following are some of my personal favorite “WTH?” occurrences that left me sad, distressed and simply at a loss for words. And just to mix it up a bit, I did offer responses to these statements. (It was hard to remain silent afterwards.) I’ll admit they weren’t the most elegant of replies but sometimes it’s hard to compose yourself when you’re choking on some stupid.

These quotes happened to have come from dentists. For the record, I love dentists.They’re awesome and some of them make me giggle. Quite a few have taught me how to properly educate our patients and some have taught me an onslaught of skills I’ll use till I’m old and crotchety. However…
	
	

	“Use your toothbrush to massage the gums back down.”
	
	Whaaaaat? Did the dentist just- oh, my god, he did!  The patient was so excited about ‘curing’ her gum recession that she didn’t take her eyes off the dentist during his explanation. After he left the operatory, I approached the patient gingerly.

	“Ummm… you don’t have to massage those areas frequently. Not that frequently at all.” 
	Sometimes it’s difficult to correct the painfully incorrect… in this case a dentist that’s been practicing for close to 30 years… ouchy.

	“We don’t want those losers in our practice.”

	He just called those patients losers. Is he insane?! The ‘losers’this different dentist was referring to were low-income patients that did not have dental insurance.  In this instance, I had no reply. Can’t talk… still gagging.

	“Why does this patient keep asking me questions about the procedures? Just do it, already.”

	Why does he keep- Because you’re the dentist!  My reply:  “I know. What a pain in the butt, right?” 

	“I don’t do cleanings. That’s your job.”

	A lot of dentists don’t perform prophylaxes.  That’s not surprising nor was I severely traumatized by this particular dentist’s statement.  It’s just that… I was the only hygienist in the practice.  I only wanted a teeny-weeny prophy on my teeth. “So you won’t scale my teeth?”  I waited for another reply from this particular dentist. “Well, can’t you get your teeth cleaned by one of your hygiene friends?”

	I didn’t feel very special that day… sniff.

	Thought I would leave the #1 spot for Modern Hygienist readers. Oh, come on.  I know you have some.  Share with us.
	 
	 

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 You’re going about your day. You’re rockin’ your hygiene thing, yucking it up with your dental cronies in the lab, or perhaps you’re in the operatory for the periodic exam with the dentist, then all of a sudden- WHAMMO!     Eva Watson, RDH.   You know how this goes.

Top 10 "What just happened?" moments in dental hygiene

	Hello!  You appeared on ‘The Ellen DeGeneres Show’ recently as part of her ‘Human Tricks’ segment. You opened aluminum can tops with your teeth.  Oh, wow; the sound; the visuals; the surplus of high-tech dental prostheses that await you.  Your oral entertainment was impressive as was your exuberance for decapitating aluminum cans at will. Ellen appeared humorously mortified, but I was excited for you!  Now that the television audience has witnessed your gift for oral can-top amputation, I propose three career advancements for you that are sure to be ultra-successful… and amusingly inspiring for the dental community.

1) Official Spokesperson for the National Institute of Oral Oddities

	Not only would this opportunity be the first of its kind but the only one of its kind.  You would single-handedly procure an untapped resource for representing the field of study known as, “This guy’s a riot!  Umm… why does he do that now?”

2) Test subject for the new product, SillyGuard!: Enamel and Jaw Joint Protector for Silly Oral Practices

	Since this revolutionary dental product is still in its infancy stage, mandatory and extensive testing is required to ensure its safety and efficacy.  Your availability for daily testing is crucial; researchers at the lab must continually stick things in your mouth.  You’ll be entitled to a one hour lunch break as well as two, ten minute sanity breaks.  No pain, no gain, right?

3) Live demonstrations of your talent at yearly Chicago Dental Society Midwinter Meetings

	This is a huge opportunity for you.  Granted, it’s not a nationally televised event like The Ellen DeGeneres Show, but it would be a wonderful platform to showcase your aluminum can annihilation and oral awesomeness.  The next meeting is coming up this February!

	Your future of perpetual dental work awaits you.  Make us proud!  

Follow-up to the Human Can Opener

	Come here. Dry your eyes and tell me all about it. I know. It's hard to reflect back on your year of economic and professional hardships, but rest assured, your little sister, 2011, may have some answers.
	
	It's not that I didn't trust you. I mean, I kind of did. You told me to listen to dentists when they said, “There's nothing wrong with selling dentistry. Let's push more restorative work.” I explained to patients the importance of replacing failed amalgams with porcelain inlays, considering implants for missing teeth, and taking seriously periodontal health. That last one was a doozy. Why, I found so many untreated perio cases in this particular dental office I worked in that I was relieved of my hygiene duties and asked to leave the practice. It's true, 2010.
	
	These patients left this practice because I told them they needed full mouth or selective SRP. Perhaps the dentist didn't care enough to notice the advanced bone loss and severe pocketing in these patients 16 years later after I arrived at the practice. Well, I can tell you, mister, that trying to be gentle when removing black, unyielding calculus in 7mm pockets is no easy task. In fact, it's downright difficult. These patients thought I was just too heavy-handed as well as 'selling them too much dentistry.' They let the doctor know about their hygiene unhappiness.
	
	The evening the dentist and his wife explained why I was to leave their prevention-oriented practice, the dentist said, verbatim, “I would rather be negligent than lose another patient." Well, I just about had a super-sized ninny! This gentleman admitted his love affair with the dark side and wished to remain ignorant about his patients' periodontal conditions in favor of patient retention.
	
	Now, 2010, you failed to inform me of the shenanigans you had in store. I listened to your advice about being a team player and followed the recommendations dentists wanted me to implement. You gave me the best advice you knew given the circumstances. It's OK. However, as I await my debut, I look to myself for strength and courage.
	
	My last words and promise to you, 2010: perseverance, honesty, and humor.
	
	I will persevere in what I believe in.
	
	I will be honest in any work I do.
	
	I will laugh at the ridiculous, unbelievable, and inequity of life's probabilities.
	
	Thank you, 2010. You have taught me more than I could have hope for.
	
	Now... it's time to rock on.

Dear 2010

	“Did you call that office today?” I called them twice.

	“Did you apply for any new ads?” The few that come out I always apply for.

	“Are you following up with your phone calls?” Always.

	“Do you have any temp gigs coming up?” I only have one next week.

	I always tell him I’m trying. The pressure is building. It’s starting to come between us. Erik has been complaining about stomach discomfort since the beginning of all this. I’m worried about his health. The fact I can’t contribute to our household is tearing me up. I’m responsible for half our bills. We’re a team. His nagging is justified. I’m doing everything I possibly can to, at the very least, get a verbal response from any practice. What else can I do to appease him?

	Day 37 Goal: Keep talking with Erik about everything we feel regarding this situation. Our lines of communication can’t break down. We need each other. Sydney needs us.

	Just finished reading a post on that hygiene Web site. Those opinions on bonuses, fairness and cheap dentists made for an interesting read. The fact that bonuses are still being allocated nowadays is somewhat of a surprising accomplishment to me. I’m pleased there are practices out there that continue to thrive but those hygienists are lucky and fortunate to have the opportunity to work. I’m certain they realize that. I hope they do. I loved when I got those huge bonuses. Who wouldn’t? I remember the big bucks I made as soon as I received my license. That was almost five years ago.

	Man, we were rolling in it. Got the house and put money away. Seemed like I was frequenting Old Navy monthly for Sydney and I was purchasing new lab coats for myself all of the time. I could settle for an unfair, cheap, anti-bonus dentist right about now.

	Day 40 Goal: If an offer comes in and the dentist can’t offer the going rate, take a pay cut. I know what Erik and I can comfortably live on. Don’t be concerned with bonuses or extras. There will be chances to prove myself later. We’re living in a completely different economic country. Everything has changed.

	Whoa, woman. Calm down. Easy…BUT WHY DIDN’T THEY HIRE ME?! I temped in their office for three weeks. They asked me back for three, continual weeks, the staff and I had great laughs, the dentists complimented my work and I performed my job to the utmost of professionalism. Why? What happened? Did someone give me a bad reference? Did I leave calculus? Did I look at someone the wrong way? Am I some kind of freak? What!? I’m going outside to scream! I’ll explain my behavior to the neighbors later!

	Okay, I’m done complaining now. I’m back in control and I can see clearly again. I believe what transpired was this practice had a particular candidate in their sights from the beginning of the selection process but wanted to continue talking with other interviewees and weed out who was not right for their practice. They had to make the best decision for their patients and staff. I believe they liked what I could offer their business but weren’t quite sold. So they asked me to temp for them until, unbeknownst to me, their continued search revealed their ideal hygienist.

	That was quite a rationalization but I’m getting over it. I learned a lot from that experience.

	Day 43 Goal: Temping will not ensure a permanent position. Keep my options open. Don’t put all of my eggs in one basket. Enhance my strengths and correct my weaknesses.

	This is fantastic! Two interviews lined up in the next couple of weeks. What can I give these two offices? Integrity and hard work. I know what I’m capable of and I’m excited to offer them my dental hygiene experience.

	What are my strengths? Great clinical abilities, effective communication and a great business sense.

	What do I want? A progressive dental practice I can grow professionally with while being satisfied personally. My Three Ps! I love it. Thank you Day 50.

	Day 50 Goal: Take solace in my accomplishments. Revel in my improvements and learn from all these experiences since unemployed Day 1. Use ‘My Three Ps’ slogan to keep me motivated and on the right path. If these practices wish to hire another hygienist, push on!

	Hmm…perhaps I should write for a dental hygienist magazine as an outlet. I don’t know. Gee whiz, where would I find the time? All I have is time. Would any hygiene professional be interested in reading about content like this? I do enjoy writing greatly. I’ll consider it. I’ll ask husband and get his take on it as well. I hope I don’t have a Day 60 entry. Wait… is that my phone?

	Eva Watson, RDH is also a writer and lives in Highland Park, IL with her husband and daughter .

   Photo: Eva Watson  Day 37  “Did you call that office today?” I called them twice.  “Did you apply for any new ads?” The few that come out I always apply for.  “Are you following up with your phone calls?” Always.  “Do you have any temp gigs coming up?” I only have one next week.